Shannon's Blog

The Mountain of Life

2011-06-10T12:20:00.000-07:00

While climbing the mountain of life, one of the most powerful and enjoyable exercises we can do is to periodically stop and appreciate the vista. When we can pause from our ascent (or even a place of descent into pain, frustration or fear from which we have previously ascended), we can more clearly see the discarded habits, thoughts and patterns that we have outgrown. This doesn't mean that we never return to these places; after all, they are well worn paths of our life. Making subsequent ascents may be easier because the path is already blazed and wisdom garnered but we will also be need inertia and will be fighting the downward force of gravity, which on the mountain, can be our shadow self.

When we climb out of deep woods and take a rest from the hard work of climbing we step out onto a vista where a new perspective arises. Today when I allowed myself to stand atop the vista and peer below, I was able to appreciate how I more consistently handle particular challenges with my children with greater calm, confidence and perspective than I once did. I noticed how I am kinder and gentler with myself. I recognized the ways in which I take better care of my physical body. From this vantage point, I took time to appreciate the fruits of my efforts: more harmony in the household, a growing sense of inner peace and improved digestion. Looking further up the mountain, I could see even more dramatic improvements on the higher horizon resulting from growing wisdom, sustained efforts and personal growth. Overall, this is a process of getting to know ourselves better and love ourselves more completely.

I was thinking about this concept during a walk into the woods this morning. It was an unusual New England day since the weather and temperature were so perfectly comfortable that there was nothing to even say about it - I'm imagining that the conversations at work this morning were more forced than usual without the standby weather icebreaker. My thoughts unfolded along with the uneven paths I was on. After a wonderful time in the woods reflecting, thinking and exercising all in the same hour, my phone rang. I recognized the number but couldn't place the caller, Upon answering, I immediately remembered that I had a 9:30 client call scheduled. I laughed out loud, shook my head and asked what I could possibly learn from all this. I went back to my mountain metaphor and perched on a vista overlooking the pattern of missed appointments in my past. What I immediately noticed was the lack of self-defeating talk in my head! Of course, I felt badly inconveniencing my client, but there was none of the shaming and blaming which always followed similar scheduling mishaps in the past. Also, I immediately saw the opportunity to look in and see what my higher self may be trying to tell me. When does this pattern arise? I realized that this pattern always arises when I fail to meet my particular needs to be in nature, to reflect and to exercise. For me, these are the highest and best ways in which I take care of myself.

What I also realized was that had I shamed and blamed myself, vowing to be more disciplined about checking my schedule and more careful with my time, I would have failed to see what my soul was desperately trying to communicate with me. I realized how ineffective beating myself was at generating "better" behavior. Shaming and blaming is like hiking in flimsy flip flops - unstable, uncomfortable and flirting with disaster. Most importantly, had I been stuck in blamesville, I would have missed out on the startling realization that I have, indeed, become much, much kinder to myself. That kindness towards myself gets paid forward to everyone with whom I come in contact and realizing the extent to which it already exists inspires me to keep hiking, viewing, appreciating and loving.

So now my client is rescheduled, I am encouraged and inspired by my own growth and I have dedicated time, in my calendar, to walk in nature tomorrow. What's the moral of my story? To prioritize my needs and make time for them before they make time for themselves!

Be Curious

2011-05-27T05:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a beautiful, warm, late spring day in New England. I gave myself the gift of some time to write outside. While I was writing, an adorable, curious little green bug stumbled across my notebook and slowly explored the pages on which I was writing. Observing its honeydew color, short little legs and a shape that reminded me of a paisley, this little creature completely captivated all of my attention. I wondered how such a slow moving creature could survive in nature when the only real advantage I could observe was its striking green color. I thought about whether he was lost and what he ate. I resolved to learn more about this little guy on the internet. I decided it was a boy and named him Dewey. After some time, Dewey made his way to explore the other end of the worn and well-loved picnic table and I returned to my writing. I thanked him for our time together.

A few moments later, a huge, black ant came racing across the page on which I was writing, briefly paused at the edge of the table and defiantly scurried underneath. I objected to its speed and I found myself filled with fear at the thought the ant would crawl on me. I found my reaction really puzzling and poured curiosity into my fear. When in my life did I decide that a little green bug was adorable and a big black any was frightening? Was it the speed and audacity of the ant versus the quiet and slow gentleness of Dewey? Perhaps I was influenced by the destruction that carpenter ants have caused to the front porch of my home thereby rendering them as "pests." Maybe the ant was common and Dewey was exotic and new to me. I never found an answer but I applied that curiosity to the ant.

Looking through my newly adjusted lens of curiosity, I observed the angle of the bend in the ant's knees and the relatively longer legs the ant had when compared to Dewey. I was awed by the way in which the ants antennae vibrated with movement and activity and wanted to learn more about what types of information the antennae collected. I thought about how well orchestrated ant colonies are and how the good of the colony prevailed over the good of the individual. I honored the ant for its humble service. After all, it was putting itself in harm's way, in MY way, for the good of the many. I was no longer afraid.

I realized what a choice fear could be. When I'm curious, I am present, focused, open and creative. When I'm fearful, I'm just afraid and closed to everything else except considering options to escape my fear. What a shame it would have been to have gotten up and left because of the ant. I vowed to look at other areas in my life where I can apply curiosity to my fears. Thank you, little ant. You are not a pest, you are a wise teacher.

Love yourself, lose the weight

2011-03-03T10:58:00.000-08:00

We all know that it's important to love ourselves. And many of us also want to lose weight, feel healthy and look great. However, how many of us subscribe to the "shame and blame" method to try to achieve health and wellness which is anything but a loving approach. This is how it works: you eat french fries and feel guilty about eating the french fries so you shame and blame yourself into feeling incredibly guity and ashamed for having eaten the fries. Another way shame and blame works is you find your jeans are too tight, you step on the scale and discover you have gained 5 pounds. What happens? Well, first of all, your day is now off to a lousy start and then perhaps you commit (in your head) to some approach that will take off those pounds (and maybe a few more). You are in essence saying to yourself, "I am so fed up with myself, I just can't stand it anymore and it's time for a change!" How has that worked out for you the last 10 times you've tried it? Shame and blame never lead to long-lasting, positive change. If it did, there would be no obesity epidemic in this country.

I believe that all of this shaming and blaming is getting us farther away from our goals of looking and feeling great and feeling free to love ourselves just how we are. We are also missing huge opportunities to discover why it is that we are falling short of our goals. Are you eating to fill an emotional void and if so, is there a better way to address those needs? Are you eating the wrong foods which override your body's innate ability to know when it's full, leaving you under-nourished and over-fed? When you come to a situation with love, curiosity and patience, you get to see what your real needs are and learn how to meet those needs directly. It doesn't feel good to overeat. It doesn't feel good to eat junk food. And it definitely doesn't feel good to be overweight and unhealthy.

So the next time you hear those shame and blame voices in your head, ask yourself, what unfulfilled need were you trying to fill with food? Once you realize how the food was serving you, you can replace the shame and blame with understanding and acceptance and you will be well on your way to making a healthier choice in the future.

Goal Setting

2010-02-07T13:46:00.001-08:00

We always hear about how important it is to set goals. Preferably in writing. And refer back to them often. I have to say, I've been operating without goals and it's been working pretty well for me. I'm operating more from a vision but I'm letting the particulars work themselves out. For example, with my health and wellness goals, I have a vision of being fit and healthy. I know that part achieving my vision necessitates regular exercise. In the past, part of the goal included included finishing a race or fitting into a particular size clothing and always required doing something for a minimum number of minutes or miles per week. This worked OK until life got busy, it was raining or I ate myself into a food coma so couldn't possibly run 5 miles. I let other things get in the way of my well laid training schedule. By contrast, now, I am always asking myself what I want to do and then when I get out there, I do it until I want to stop. Mostly, I have been running and feeling like a little kid just enjoying the feeling of my body moving, soaking in the sights and being outside even on a cold winter morning with whipping winds like yesterday. I am turning inward and asking my body how it feels, if it wants to keep moving and I am respecting its answers. The best part is, I am making time to run. I enjoy it. I am doing it not because I "should" but because I want to run, to move, to have some time to myself, to be outside. If I was telling myself I needed to be running 30 minutes four times a week, would the result be any different? The enjoyment any less? I don't know. I have always enjoyed running in the past but would also find excuses to bail on runs. Maybe the difference is that I know I deserve this gift for myself. Maybe the difference is that I'm trying to remember why it's fun to move my body. Maybe I was approaching it from a push versus pull mentality. I don't know but I do promise to keep looking inward and discovering what works and what doesn't work. Stay posted...

The Love Cup

2009-09-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems that our lives can get so busy that we don't have time to appreciate and acknowledge all that we are doing to help ourselves and the world. We created the Love Cup in our house to do just that. Every night we each take turns telling each other what we did for ourselves and the world that day and put in one "gem" for each good deed. My son might say that he shared his silly pen with his sister. My daughter may have cleaned her room. It's been surprising to see some of the connections the kids have made such as Daddy went to work to help our family or Mommy is seeing a client to help them be happer. We also point out that when one of us does something for ourselves, it really helps the entire family (i.e. Mommy went to the gym so she could be healthy and have lots of energy to play). In addition, we remind each other about actions that qualify for the Love Cup - there is a kind of team mentality that has emerged. We have talked about having a reward when the gems reach a certain level but the kids don't seem interested in the reward - it seems that just being able to contribute and be acknowledged is reward enough for them.

Practicing Gratitude

2009-07-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been really sick and when you start to feel better you have a greater appreciation for how good it feels to be well? We all have so much to appreciate in our big and busy lives that we sometimes forget to actively be grateful for all our blessings. By focusing on how much in our lives we have to be grateful for, we give ourselves a wonderful reprieve from using our mental energy on what's not working, how much we have to do and how far we are from our goals.

Developing a gratitude practice gives us a structured way to renew our spirits and truly appreciate all that is right in our lives. There are many ways to practice gratitude: practice gratitude during a daily ritual (i.e. in the shower, driving to work, walking the dog, upon waking or just before going to sleep), incorporate a gratitude practice into another mindful ritual (i.e. meditation, attending religious services, or yoga practice), or on an "as needed" basis when you are feeling stressed out and consumed by "what's wrong" thinking. Just a minute or two of mindfulness will do wonders for your attitude.

Big Fish, Little Pond

2009-07-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight I saw the Imax Movie, "Deep Sea" with my family. The breathtaking cinematography and wonderfully informative storyline culminated in a powerful message detailing how the intricate balance of our oceans has been offset by overfishing. By upsetting this chain, humans are damaging the ecosystems that we ultimatley rely on. I started thinking about how our own personal ecosystems need balance. At any time, we can be both predator or prey. As humans, we are the "big fish" and do not have many natural predators. Rather, As prey, we have become victims of ourselves with most deaths caused by accients, cancers, and "lifestyle" diseases such as heart disease and Type 2 Diabetes. The difference, however, is that being prey of this sort does not serve the ecosystem in which we live. It's a lose, lose situation. We overconsume natural resources, oversish, do not farm sustainably or locally, pollute our air, homes and bodies with chemicals and raise excessive livestock for consumption which contributes more harmful gases to global warming than all the sources of transportation in the world combined. Just as overfishing of the largest sea creatures is dessimating our marine ecosystms, overconsuming is dessimating our planetary ecosystem. It is killing us and killing our planet. We all could benefit from seeing ourselves in the larger picture, becoming educated on the issues, and committing to take whatever action we can to sustain our fragile ecosystems.

The Art of Getting and Giving

2009-07-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

When I was in business school, we did a very powerful exercise in which had to pick 5 supplies from a list of 20 that we would want to survive an extended stay in the woods. Next, we broke up into groups of 4 and had to discuss and then agree as a group on the 5 items. The lists were all scored. As it turns out, of all 25 groups, there was not one individual score that beat the group's score! Each person in the group contributed knowledge and perspective that any one individual did not possess.

So who's in your group? Who around you can you trust to share knowledge, advice and candid feedback? Who can help you set goals, prioritize tasks and stay focused? This past week I attended an event with Keith Ferrazzi, the author of Never Eat Alone and Who's Got Your Back who passionately and eloquently made a strong appeal for developing and utilizing your close relationships. After his talk, I reached out to my network, asking for help and information on furthering my career as a writer. I was astounded at the outpouring of advice, connections and hearfelt encouragemet - the likes of which I could never have produced on my own. As I expressed my gratitude to each of my friends and colleagues, I realized that I was also giving them a gift of feeling great about their ability to help me out. I also hold out the hope that by being vulnerable and asking for help, they will feel comfortable asking me to do the same, and return the favor of allowing me to feel deeply satisfied for being able to help them.

This week I encourage you to give the gift that keeps on giving - either by offering help or by reaching out asking for it. In addition to strengthening your relationshps, you may gain invaluable insights and encouragement.

Lego Logic

2009-07-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

My son loves Legos and Star Wars. So when he received a 600 piece Lego Starwars set he was ecstatic and had complate faith that we would build it together. He could see the finished structure in his mind. I have to admit that upon opening bag upon bag of little, tiny pieces, I was not as able to see the completed starship. As I opened up the booklet, however, I was able to complete page one which only required that I find 3 pieces and put them together in order. Then on page two I just needed to find 4 pieces and put them together as prescribed on the page. I was completely committed to the process but detached from the outcome. That is, I was committed to spending quality time with my son and doing one page at a time but detached from any particular outcome such as completing the structure within a particular time frame. In fact, if my son decided that he no longer wanted to work on this project, that would be fine as well. I was also not going to be overwhelmed by the complexity of the project. I was just putting a few pieces together at a time and enjoying his company while trusting that the project would get completed in a timeline and manner that works best for us.

Often my clients are really committed to beginning or completing a project yet they procrastinate because they are overhwelmed by the complexity of the project or because they do not know how to complete the project. I have actually brought out the lego instruction booklet in coaching sessions as we explored the client's limiting beliefs about his or her ability and readiness to take action on a project. Breaking any project down into incredibly small steps keeps us committed to the process and detached from the outcome while also allowing for faith that the project will work out in our own best interests. The next time you are facing overwhelm at completing a project in your life, create a lego booklet for yourself and break your goal down into incredibly small, doable steps. Then commit yourself to complete one step at a time while trusting that the outcome will manifest itself in a time and manner that best supports you and your mission.

The Joy of Acceptance

2009-07-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

My older dog, Madaket, a 9 year old Newfoundland, has taught me many precious life lessons. As she is getting older and suffering from a congenital knee problem that can no longer be treated, she does not let discomfort or inflexibility get in the way of enjoying the simple pleasures of life - a dip in the water, a good scratch behind the ears, a few scraps of dinner from the kids and the company of those who love her. Most of her time is spent lounging around and simply observing life around her. Her needs are simple: to eat and to go outside twice a day. She is the most gentle creature that I have ever encountered. Madaket's younger Newfie sister, Liberty, has never been as content and relaxed as Madaket. Liberty is constantly seeking attention, wanting to go outside or come back in; she is needy and always inserts herself in the middle of what is going on. I have lived the frustration of Liberty's inability to relax and need to be involved in everything all the time and I have lived the joy and simplicity of Madaket's ability to accept life and just be in the moment. Madaket lives and breathes the principles of acceptance, non-judgement and peace. My life, and the lives of all those around her, have been all the better for it. As I am endeavoring to live a life of loving kindness, accepting whatever comes my way and seeing the opportunity in every situation, I am so grateful to have such a sage soul infuse my home and my life with such peace and harmony.

Being Thankful

2008-11-25T06:15:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. Family, food, festivities... crowded parking lots, long lines, dwindling bank accounts... Depending on how you look at it, or what you celebrate, this time of year can be wonderful, draining or both. The more we can be thankful for, the more likely we are to enjoy the next several weeks. Our family celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah and we have 2 birthdays in December (well, since mine is the day after Christmas, I am lucky (and grateful) to get a leftover dessert with a candle). My tradition is to make beautiful hand decorated cookies for all our friends and relatives as a gift. Last year, as I was up to 2:00am many, many nights in December decorating cookies, I was reminded that I was way off target. This year my holiday strategy is to keep it simple. I am still hand decorating cookies but I am (gasp) buying simple round sugar cookies instead of rolling and cutting out shapes. I am trying to plan ahead for a few really great gifts instead of being lead astray by all the cute novelties on display and distracted by items that are dramatically reduced. I'm also going to prioritize exercising and taking care of myself. So when I'm relaxing in the bath tub instead of decorating cookies, I can send good wishes to all those I'm so grateful to have in my life - and really mean it.

Choosing your clients

2008-11-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

When I start to hear or see a message 3 or more times within a day or two, I know it's time to pay attention. Lately, I keep hearing about how important it is to choose your own clients. When we define what works best for us, we stop accepting the crumbs that just fall our way and start to attract what really makes us happy and fulfilled. In my case, I love working with clients who are not content to live life safely on the sidelines; I love working with people who are committed to making the world a better place and who do not shy away from challenges. By putting this message out there, I may turn away some clients, but I am also giving myself the opportunity to connect with people who energize and excite and inspire me. This certainly does not mean that someone who wants a life that is predictible and calm would not be someone I enjoy working with but there are coaches out there who would feel the same excitement about that client as I feel about working with passionate socially conscious entrepreneurs, for example. This lesson can be applied to other parts of our lives such as jobs, homes and relationships. Before I had my daughter, I always wanted a girl who was passionate and independent and strong willed. Well, I got that in spades! Her zest for life and passion for fair treatment of all creatures (she's been a vegetarian since she was 3) inspire me beyond measure. I am a great role model when I am happy and fulfilled and for me that means, in part, working with clients who share my passion to make a difference in the world. So go on, be choosy, you just might end up finding out more about yourself and what makes you tick!

The March of Time

2008-11-02T17:49:00.000-08:00

Setting the clocks back an hour for Daylight Savings Time reminded me of the nature of time. To our bodies, what felt like 7:00 am was now actually 6:00am. Albert Einstein remarked, "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." We often view time as this huge external factor, mercilessly ticking away the moments and hours of our life. Time becomes an excuse for not living our dreams or passions when we tell ourselves things such as: "I'm too old" or "I'll get to that later, when I have more time." The reality is that all we have is the present and we might as well make the most of it which reminds me of a quote from the movie Kung Fu Panda: "The past is history, the future is a mystery and today is a gift, that's why we call it the present." I took my two children to see Kung Fu Panda last summer to a packed theater on a rainy day and since we were late we had to sit in the front row. My 3 year old son was a little restless by the end of the movie so he started doing his "kung fu" moves at the front of the theater to the delight of the entire audience which erupted in laughter. My little guy was just following his heart which was telling him he couldn't sit any longer and in so doing he gave the audience a gift (I'm not going to philosophize the "gifts" he's shared with everyone at the grocery store when he's feeling a little restless...) So, what did you do today to make the world a better place? How did you spend your precious gift of time and energy today? Sure, you may be older than you once were or you may have many responsibilities now that you hope not to have in the future but I encourage all of you to make this day matter in some way. Maybe you can carry a bag with you when you walk your dog to pick up any trash you find along the way or perhaps you can email a politician to communicate your views on an issue that is important to you. When you act in a way that comes from a place of being grateful to have the opportunity to make the world better (rather than making yourself angry that others have left trash or feeling superior to others because you are taking action), you will be able to best appreciate the joy of giving. You will be giving the gift that truly gives back: sharing your unique talents with the world to make it a better place and the happiness that comes from knowing that you did your part. Let's share in that joy together, today, tomorrow and every day.

2008-11-01T07:04:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love Halloween. It fills me with delight to see the trick-or-treaters so excited about wearing their costumes, getting loads of candy, and spending great quality time with their families and friends. I have a few trick-or-treaters myself so the excitement gets sprinkled throughout the month of October from picking out costumes, to decorating, to buying candy (we wait to the very last minute for this one, to help us all avoid the temptation!). It reminds me that life can be like Halloween. What is stopping us from trying on a new costume and asking for candy? Sure, you might receive a trick instead of a treat, someone might not be home, or you might get candy you don't love, but in the end, it's not just the candy but the experience that makes it so much fun! Recently, I have been trick-or-treating myself. My costume as a coach is only about a year old, and my costume as a public speaker is even newer, and yet they feel really great. Narrowing my focus to work with people who are committed to giving back to the world in some meaningful way also feels great. As for the candy, I have started a blog where I get to communicate with a wider audience and I have attended several events where I have been able to come together with like minded people who share my passion to make the world a better place. I think of it as Karmic Candy. So, instead of thinking "you can't," put yourself in the mindset of a child who is trick-or-treating, not sure what each house will bring, but enjoying the experience and being in the moment. And remember, it's not just you who receives the "treats" but the person handing out the candy shares in the joy as well.

Living Consciously

2008-10-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

When I am working with a client who feels that something is just "missing" from his or her life, I often ask about how connected they are to the world outside of work and family. Our lives can be so hectic and seemingly full with busyness that we often don't realize how disconnected we truly have become from the outside world and the universe as a whole. We are connecting all the time but it's often on a virtual or superficial level instead of a deeper or more spiritual level. As social and spiritual creatures, human beings crave a connection to something larger than themselves. When we choose to live consciously and share our unique gifts and talents with the world in a meaningful way, the "missing" piece often finds its place in the puzzle of life. So... that expensive sports car you've been eyeing may not be the answer if reading with youngsters is what your soul has been craving all along. Of course, if you show up in the sports car, the kids will think you're really cool, but we know it's the reading rather than the ride that makes you great.