Thought Zombies

Most of what happens in a story is told through the experience of the characters and that experience is conveyed through the thoughts, feelings and actions of the characters. Really, it’s what makes a story interesting because no two people interpret the same information in the same way and it’s the character’s reaction as conveyed through her thoughts, feelings and actions that captures the essence of who a character really is.

Our lives unfold in much the same way. In the delightful picture book, Chicken and Bear, written and illustrated by Jannie Ho, Bear finds Chicken freezing cold in the woods and takes Chicken into Bear’s cabin for lunch. Chicken’s runaway thoughts lead Chicken to believe that Chicken is going to be Bear’s lunch in the form of chicken soup! It’s adorable and hilarious and we can all relate to how our inner Chicken (through thoughts and fears) can lead us to the conclusion (and corresponding action) that we are all going to end up “cooked.” That’s the thoughts, feelings and action cycle in play. Our thoughts affect our feelings which affect our actions which affect our thoughts and on and on and on it goes. The order of these is irrelevant. What’s important is that all three of these work together to form our moment-to-moment experience of living.

Have you ever had a thought that leads to another thought and another until your brain’s been hijacked to the point where you’re convinced that you’ (or someone you love) is going to end up cooked in some metaphorical chicken soup? I call these spiraling thoughts “thought zombies.” When thought zombies start eating my brain and kick “me” out of the pilot’s seat, my cooked as soup thought often involves one of my children being grievously injured. Or dead in a ditch somewhere. Why the ditch? Who knows—I just know that my teenage kid getting into an Uber used to spiral into dead in a ditch in no time.

What about legitimate worries, you say? I say worry is what’s illegitimate. It’s a completely useless emotion. Think about it—what’s worry ever done for you? It’s a feeling which can lead to dead in a ditch in no time. An action can feel completely different depending on the feeling fueling it. When you’re worried you’re going to end up as chicken soup or dead in a ditch, your thoughts take over and imagine all sorts of crazy scenarios and soon you find yourself running through the woods in the cold or cancelling your plans to drive your kid around (to the absolute horror of your teenager).

The good news is that you can kill your thought zombies and end the downward death spiral leading you to the bottom of a ditch (or pot of chicken soup). To kill a thought zombie and exit the death spiral, you simply lead your thoughts to the one place where they cannot survive—the Land of the Now. Thought Zombies aren’t real so therefore they can’t exist in the present moment. They feed off the fears of the past or worries about the future. So take a few deep breaths, bring yourself back into the present, and begin anew.

So when you find yourself wallowing in worry, cycle yourself out of it. How does this work? Bring yourself back into the present moment. Then find a thought, any thought, that feels a bit better then find another and another. (Statistically speaking most teenagers don’t die in Uber accidents. She’s a really responsible kid. She makes good decisions. She has a cell phone to call if anything goes wrong.) Notice whether you’re feeling any better. Take a breath. Allow yourself to “feel” the better feeling. Soak it in. Take some positive action that will allow you to feel better (put on the movie you were going to watch, go out to dinner as planned, pour yourself a glass of wine (you’re not driving!). Thoughts, feelings, actions. Thoughts, feelings, actions.

What’s really fun to do is to spiral up when you’re not under the control of thought zombies. You can improve your emotional state, take purposeful action towards your goals and think thoughts that help you figure out what action to take in pursuit of your goals. I call these “thought angels”—these thoughts lift you up from where you are and deliver you to a better place.

So when you’re writing the story that is your life, pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and actions and how they’re either spiraling you towards the happy ending you’re creating for yourself or spiraling you down towards all the ditches your thought zombies toss in your way. Ditch the zombies and summon the angels.

Remember, you’re the author of your life. Think, feel and be the person you choose to be.