Love vs. Fear

In all great stories, the main character makes a series of choices. Those choices can lead to epic failures, fairy tale endings and everything in between. The bottom line: every choice is based on love or fear. When a character choose love, she wins; when she chooses fear, she loses. Of course, what constitutes winning and losing depends on the character and the story. Katniss impetuously volunteering as Tribute in The Hunger Games was a choice made out of love even though she was fearful for her life.

The overriding intention behind that choice was love and the desire to protect her sister. Over the course of a story, main characters who make key decisions based on love and aligned with an overall goal will achieve their desire or sometimes even more than what they dared to wish for. In stories where the main character consistently chooses fear, she will not get what she wished for or, if she does, it does not end up binging her the happiness she thought it would.

There is no hero’s journey without love and fear.

The same is true for the saga that is your life.

 Every single choice we make is based on love or fear. What’s tricky, however, is that it’s not the choice itself that decides whether it’s love or fear, it’s the intention behind it and how it aligns with who you are and the ending you want to write for this chapter or volume of the story that is your life. 

How does this play out? Let’s say Darla wants to become a novelist but she’s busy with work, family, and other commitments. It’s Friday morning and she has a busy weekend planned ahead. Does she take the time she set aside on Saturday morning to go grocery shopping to get some writing done since it’s the only unscheduled window of time in her entire weekend? To determine what choice would be love-based Darla needs to skip ahead to Saturday afternoon and imagine herself having completed each task. How would she feel if she made the choice to get groceries? Darla believes she would feel like she accomplished something that needed doing and tired and a little sad and frustrated that she didn’t get to write; she feels stuck. How would she feel after spending two hours writing? Darla knows she would feel energized and excited and also a little frustrated that she now still has to get groceries. But now she expands her thinking a bit because she really wants to get to that feeling place of energized and excited from writing: she decides to order some groceries online and do a quick shop on her way home from work for a few essentials until the groceries are delivered. Maybe she has to ask for some help getting her kids picked up in order to make the stop for groceries and this triggers a different fear in her—she’s uncomfortable asking for help. Again, she can choose to face this fear with love. Let’s say she chooses love and asks a friend for help. Now she has even more to be grateful for—the friend who helped you out, time to write, and increasing confidence from facing her fears and choosing love. How could choosing love with seemingly small, simple choices change her life over the course of a year, two years, ten years. How would prioritizing writing time affected her thoughts, feelings and actions as a writer? Is she spiraling up or down? Can you feeling the love in Darla’s choices?

Each and every one of our thoughts and actions is a choice. We can choose love or we can choose fear. Loving thoughts include the side effects of acceptance, gratitude, joy, and open up doorways to creativity and inspiration. Fearful thoughts include the side effects of resistance, judgment, shame, blame, and can be fueled by inertia and what has kept us stuck. Which one sounds better to you? 

Choosing love often requires that you make changes and change often brings up … more fear. Fear shows up as an unwanted and uninvited guest but never shows up empty-handed. Every time fear knocks on your door, you have the opportunity to make a choice. Choosing love over fear on a consistent basis leads to your wishes becoming fulfilled. Visit your past to take an inventory of when you’ve chosen love over fear, when you’ve chosen fear over love, and notice how that’s played out in your life. Then travel to the future to imagine how the practice of consistently choosing love will make your dreams a reality you enjoy both today and tomorrow.

Are you willing to volunteer as tribute? Katniss won the Hunger Games (and freedom from oppression for her country) by consistently choosing love over fear.

Love won.

And so can you.