Yesterday was a beautiful, warm, late spring day in New England. I gave myself the gift of some time to write outside. While I was writing, an adorable, curious little green bug stumbled across my notebook and slowly explored the pages on which I was writing. Observing its honeydew color, short little legs and a shape that reminded me of a paisley, this little creature completely captivated all of my attention. I wondered how such a slow moving creature could survive in nature when the only real advantage I could observe was its striking green color. I thought about whether he was lost and what he ate. I resolved to learn more about this little guy on the internet. I decided it was a boy and named him Dewey. After some time, Dewey made his way to explore the other end of the worn and well-loved picnic table and I returned to my writing. I thanked him for our time together.
A few moments later, a huge, black ant came racing across the page on which I was writing, briefly paused at the edge of the table and defiantly scurried underneath. I objected to its speed and I found myself filled with fear at the thought the ant would crawl on me. I found my reaction really puzzling and poured curiosity into my fear. When in my life did I decide that a little green bug was adorable and a big black any was frightening? Was it the speed and audacity of the ant versus the quiet and slow gentleness of Dewey? Perhaps I was influenced by the destruction that carpenter ants have caused to the front porch of my home thereby rendering them as "pests." Maybe the ant was common and Dewey was exotic and new to me. I never found an answer but I applied that curiosity to the ant.
Looking through my newly adjusted lens of curiosity, I observed the angle of the bend in the ant's knees and the relatively longer legs the ant had when compared to Dewey. I was awed by the way in which the ants antennae vibrated with movement and activity and wanted to learn more about what types of information the antennae collected. I thought about how well orchestrated ant colonies are and how the good of the colony prevailed over the good of the individual. I honored the ant for its humble service. After all, it was putting itself in harm's way, in MY way, for the good of the many. I was no longer afraid.
I realized what a choice fear could be. When I'm curious, I am present, focused, open and creative. When I'm fearful, I'm just afraid and closed to everything else except considering options to escape my fear. What a shame it would have been to have gotten up and left because of the ant. I vowed to look at other areas in my life where I can apply curiosity to my fears. Thank you, little ant. You are not a pest, you are a wise teacher.
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