The Mountain of Life

While climbing the mountain of life, one of the most powerful and enjoyable exercises we can do is to periodically stop and appreciate the vista. When we can pause from our ascent (or even a place of descent into pain, frustration or fear from which we have previously ascended), we can more clearly see the discarded habits, thoughts and patterns that we have outgrown. This doesn't mean that we never return to these places; after all, they are well worn paths of our life. Making subsequent ascents may be easier because the path is already blazed and wisdom garnered but we will also be need inertia and will be fighting the downward force of gravity, which on the mountain, can be our shadow self.

When we climb out of deep woods and take a rest from the hard work of climbing we step out onto a vista where a new perspective arises. Today when I allowed myself to stand atop the vista and peer below, I was able to appreciate how I more consistently handle particular challenges with my children with greater calm, confidence and perspective than I once did. I noticed how I am kinder and gentler with myself. I recognized the ways in which I take better care of my physical body. From this vantage point, I took time to appreciate the fruits of my efforts: more harmony in the household, a growing sense of inner peace and improved digestion. Looking further up the mountain, I could see even more dramatic improvements on the higher horizon resulting from growing wisdom, sustained efforts and personal growth. Overall, this is a process of getting to know ourselves better and love ourselves more completely.

I was thinking about this concept during a walk into the woods this morning. It was an unusual New England day since the weather and temperature were so perfectly comfortable that there was nothing to even say about it - I'm imagining that the conversations at work this morning were more forced than usual without the standby weather icebreaker. My thoughts unfolded along with the uneven paths I was on. After a wonderful time in the woods reflecting, thinking and exercising all in the same hour, my phone rang. I recognized the number but couldn't place the caller, Upon answering, I immediately remembered that I had a 9:30 client call scheduled. I laughed out loud, shook my head and asked what I could possibly learn from all this. I went back to my mountain metaphor and perched on a vista overlooking the pattern of missed appointments in my past. What I immediately noticed was the lack of self-defeating talk in my head! Of course, I felt badly inconveniencing my client, but there was none of the shaming and blaming which always followed similar scheduling mishaps in the past. Also, I immediately saw the opportunity to look in and see what my higher self may be trying to tell me. When does this pattern arise? I realized that this pattern always arises when I fail to meet my particular needs to be in nature, to reflect and to exercise. For me, these are the highest and best ways in which I take care of myself.

What I also realized was that had I shamed and blamed myself, vowing to be more disciplined about checking my schedule and more careful with my time, I would have failed to see what my soul was desperately trying to communicate with me. I realized how ineffective beating myself was at generating "better" behavior. Shaming and blaming is like hiking in flimsy flip flops - unstable, uncomfortable and flirting with disaster. Most importantly, had I been stuck in blamesville, I would have missed out on the startling realization that I have, indeed, become much, much kinder to myself. That kindness towards myself gets paid forward to everyone with whom I come in contact and realizing the extent to which it already exists inspires me to keep hiking, viewing, appreciating and loving.

So now my client is rescheduled, I am encouraged and inspired by my own growth and I have dedicated time, in my calendar, to walk in nature tomorrow. What's the moral of my story? To prioritize my needs and make time for them before they make time for themselves!

Be Curious

Yesterday was a beautiful, warm, late spring day in New England. I gave myself the gift of some time to write outside. While I was writing, an adorable, curious little green bug stumbled across my notebook and slowly explored the pages on which I was writing. Observing its honeydew color, short little legs and a shape that reminded me of a paisley, this little creature completely captivated all of my attention. I wondered how such a slow moving creature could survive in nature when the only real advantage I could observe was its striking green color. I thought about whether he was lost and what he ate. I resolved to learn more about this little guy on the internet. I decided it was a boy and named him Dewey. After some time, Dewey made his way to explore the other end of the worn and well-loved picnic table and I returned to my writing. I thanked him for our time together.

A few moments later, a huge, black ant came racing across the page on which I was writing, briefly paused at the edge of the table and defiantly scurried underneath. I objected to its speed and I found myself filled with fear at the thought the ant would crawl on me. I found my reaction really puzzling and poured curiosity into my fear. When in my life did I decide that a little green bug was adorable and a big black any was frightening? Was it the speed and audacity of the ant versus the quiet and slow gentleness of Dewey? Perhaps I was influenced by the destruction that carpenter ants have caused to the front porch of my home thereby rendering them as "pests." Maybe the ant was common and Dewey was exotic and new to me. I never found an answer but I applied that curiosity to the ant.

Looking through my newly adjusted lens of curiosity, I observed the angle of the bend in the ant's knees and the relatively longer legs the ant had when compared to Dewey. I was awed by the way in which the ants antennae vibrated with movement and activity and wanted to learn more about what types of information the antennae collected. I thought about how well orchestrated ant colonies are and how the good of the colony prevailed over the good of the individual. I honored the ant for its humble service. After all, it was putting itself in harm's way, in MY way, for the good of the many. I was no longer afraid.

I realized what a choice fear could be. When I'm curious, I am present, focused, open and creative. When I'm fearful, I'm just afraid and closed to everything else except considering options to escape my fear. What a shame it would have been to have gotten up and left because of the ant. I vowed to look at other areas in my life where I can apply curiosity to my fears. Thank you, little ant. You are not a pest, you are a wise teacher.

Love yourself, lose the weight

We all know that it's important to love ourselves. And many of us also want to lose weight, feel healthy and look great. However, how many of us subscribe to the "shame and blame" method to try to achieve health and wellness which is anything but a loving approach. This is how it works: you eat french fries and feel guilty about eating the french fries so you shame and blame yourself into feeling incredibly guity and ashamed for having eaten the fries. Another way shame and blame works is you find your jeans are too tight, you step on the scale and discover you have gained 5 pounds. What happens? Well, first of all, your day is now off to a lousy start and then perhaps you commit (in your head) to some approach that will take off those pounds (and maybe a few more). You are in essence saying to yourself, "I am so fed up with myself, I just can't stand it anymore and it's time for a change!" How has that worked out for you the last 10 times you've tried it? Shame and blame never lead to long-lasting, positive change. If it did, there would be no obesity epidemic in this country.

I believe that all of this shaming and blaming is getting us farther away from our goals of looking and feeling great and feeling free to love ourselves just how we are. We are also missing huge opportunities to discover why it is that we are falling short of our goals. Are you eating to fill an emotional void and if so, is there a better way to address those needs? Are you eating the wrong foods which override your body's innate ability to know when it's full, leaving you under-nourished and over-fed? When you come to a situation with love, curiosity and patience, you get to see what your real needs are and learn how to meet those needs directly. It doesn't feel good to overeat. It doesn't feel good to eat junk food. And it definitely doesn't feel good to be overweight and unhealthy.

So the next time you hear those shame and blame voices in your head, ask yourself, what unfulfilled need were you trying to fill with food? Once you realize how the food was serving you, you can replace the shame and blame with understanding and acceptance and you will be well on your way to making a healthier choice in the future.