The Love Cup

Sometimes it seems that our lives can get so busy that we don't have time to appreciate and acknowledge all that we are doing to help ourselves and the world. We created the Love Cup in our house to do just that. Every night we each take turns telling each other what we did for ourselves and the world that day and put in one "gem" for each good deed. My son might say that he shared his silly pen with his sister. My daughter may have cleaned her room. It's been surprising to see some of the connections the kids have made such as Daddy went to work to help our family or Mommy is seeing a client to help them be happer. We also point out that when one of us does something for ourselves, it really helps the entire family (i.e. Mommy went to the gym so she could be healthy and have lots of energy to play). In addition, we remind each other about actions that qualify for the Love Cup - there is a kind of team mentality that has emerged. We have talked about having a reward when the gems reach a certain level but the kids don't seem interested in the reward - it seems that just being able to contribute and be acknowledged is reward enough for them.

Practicing Gratitude

Have you ever been really sick and when you start to feel better you have a greater appreciation for how good it feels to be well? We all have so much to appreciate in our big and busy lives that we sometimes forget to actively be grateful for all our blessings. By focusing on how much in our lives we have to be grateful for, we give ourselves a wonderful reprieve from using our mental energy on what's not working, how much we have to do and how far we are from our goals.

Developing a gratitude practice gives us a structured way to renew our spirits and truly appreciate all that is right in our lives. There are many ways to practice gratitude: practice gratitude during a daily ritual (i.e. in the shower, driving to work, walking the dog, upon waking or just before going to sleep), incorporate a gratitude practice into another mindful ritual (i.e. meditation, attending religious services, or yoga practice), or on an "as needed" basis when you are feeling stressed out and consumed by "what's wrong" thinking. Just a minute or two of mindfulness will do wonders for your attitude.

Big Fish, Little Pond

Tonight I saw the Imax Movie, "Deep Sea" with my family. The breathtaking cinematography and wonderfully informative storyline culminated in a powerful message detailing how the intricate balance of our oceans has been offset by overfishing. By upsetting this chain, humans are damaging the ecosystems that we ultimatley rely on. I started thinking about how our own personal ecosystems need balance. At any time, we can be both predator or prey. As humans, we are the "big fish" and do not have many natural predators. Rather, As prey, we have become victims of ourselves with most deaths caused by accients, cancers, and "lifestyle" diseases such as heart disease and Type 2 Diabetes. The difference, however, is that being prey of this sort does not serve the ecosystem in which we live. It's a lose, lose situation. We overconsume natural resources, oversish, do not farm sustainably or locally, pollute our air, homes and bodies with chemicals and raise excessive livestock for consumption which contributes more harmful gases to global warming than all the sources of transportation in the world combined. Just as overfishing of the largest sea creatures is dessimating our marine ecosystms, overconsuming is dessimating our planetary ecosystem. It is killing us and killing our planet. We all could benefit from seeing ourselves in the larger picture, becoming educated on the issues, and committing to take whatever action we can to sustain our fragile ecosystems.

The Art of Getting and Giving

When I was in business school, we did a very powerful exercise in which had to pick 5 supplies from a list of 20 that we would want to survive an extended stay in the woods. Next, we broke up into groups of 4 and had to discuss and then agree as a group on the 5 items. The lists were all scored. As it turns out, of all 25 groups, there was not one individual score that beat the group's score! Each person in the group contributed knowledge and perspective that any one individual did not possess.

So who's in your group? Who around you can you trust to share knowledge, advice and candid feedback? Who can help you set goals, prioritize tasks and stay focused? This past week I attended an event with Keith Ferrazzi, the author of Never Eat Alone and Who's Got Your Back who passionately and eloquently made a strong appeal for developing and utilizing your close relationships. After his talk, I reached out to my network, asking for help and information on furthering my career as a writer. I was astounded at the outpouring of advice, connections and hearfelt encouragemet - the likes of which I could never have produced on my own. As I expressed my gratitude to each of my friends and colleagues, I realized that I was also giving them a gift of feeling great about their ability to help me out. I also hold out the hope that by being vulnerable and asking for help, they will feel comfortable asking me to do the same, and return the favor of allowing me to feel deeply satisfied for being able to help them.

This week I encourage you to give the gift that keeps on giving - either by offering help or by reaching out asking for it. In addition to strengthening your relationshps, you may gain invaluable insights and encouragement.

Lego Logic

My son loves Legos and Star Wars. So when he received a 600 piece Lego Starwars set he was ecstatic and had complate faith that we would build it together. He could see the finished structure in his mind. I have to admit that upon opening bag upon bag of little, tiny pieces, I was not as able to see the completed starship. As I opened up the booklet, however, I was able to complete page one which only required that I find 3 pieces and put them together in order. Then on page two I just needed to find 4 pieces and put them together as prescribed on the page. I was completely committed to the process but detached from the outcome. That is, I was committed to spending quality time with my son and doing one page at a time but detached from any particular outcome such as completing the structure within a particular time frame. In fact, if my son decided that he no longer wanted to work on this project, that would be fine as well. I was also not going to be overwhelmed by the complexity of the project. I was just putting a few pieces together at a time and enjoying his company while trusting that the project would get completed in a timeline and manner that works best for us.

Often my clients are really committed to beginning or completing a project yet they procrastinate because they are overhwelmed by the complexity of the project or because they do not know how to complete the project. I have actually brought out the lego instruction booklet in coaching sessions as we explored the client's limiting beliefs about his or her ability and readiness to take action on a project. Breaking any project down into incredibly small steps keeps us committed to the process and detached from the outcome while also allowing for faith that the project will work out in our own best interests. The next time you are facing overwhelm at completing a project in your life, create a lego booklet for yourself and break your goal down into incredibly small, doable steps. Then commit yourself to complete one step at a time while trusting that the outcome will manifest itself in a time and manner that best supports you and your mission.

The Joy of Acceptance

My older dog, Madaket, a 9 year old Newfoundland, has taught me many precious life lessons. As she is getting older and suffering from a congenital knee problem that can no longer be treated, she does not let discomfort or inflexibility get in the way of enjoying the simple pleasures of life - a dip in the water, a good scratch behind the ears, a few scraps of dinner from the kids and the company of those who love her. Most of her time is spent lounging around and simply observing life around her. Her needs are simple: to eat and to go outside twice a day. She is the most gentle creature that I have ever encountered. Madaket's younger Newfie sister, Liberty, has never been as content and relaxed as Madaket. Liberty is constantly seeking attention, wanting to go outside or come back in; she is needy and always inserts herself in the middle of what is going on. I have lived the frustration of Liberty's inability to relax and need to be involved in everything all the time and I have lived the joy and simplicity of Madaket's ability to accept life and just be in the moment. Madaket lives and breathes the principles of acceptance, non-judgement and peace. My life, and the lives of all those around her, have been all the better for it. As I am endeavoring to live a life of loving kindness, accepting whatever comes my way and seeing the opportunity in every situation, I am so grateful to have such a sage soul infuse my home and my life with such peace and harmony.